In 2014 I awoke to the harsh reality that I was living in “the emptiness of a materialist, industrialized and spiritually impoverished society that had lost its connection to nature.”
The quotation is from Albert Hofman, who accidentally created LSD in 1938.
There is a direct connection between my own state of reality, life and values and the creation and knowing of a substance that can alter the mind to create altered states of consciousness.
From the outside I’m sure my life looked quite enjoyable. At the time I was a partner in a thriving modern, restaurant in the ski town of Whistler. I was in a relationship to a beautiful woman. I could ski in the day, and work serving people creative food and fine wine in the evening. I travelled in the slower seasons.
I looked good. I felt terrible.
This facade started to crumble around me, as I continued to burn myself out. I was living a high paced life of lies. Everywhere there was a lack of integrity. My relationship was filled with half-truths, anger and resentment. I had compromised my beliefs in business and was green-washing to make myself feel better about the environmental damage I was still causing. I was skiing for my ego.
The truth of my disconnection from nature and Spirit hit me fully, and the warning signs of illness started to surface. I could feel myself becoming ill with the kind of illness that rises from deep within when we know, in our Highest Self that we are so very off course. The kind of illness that doesn’t change, unless we do.
I started to examine the things in my life that I loved, that I cared about and that were of greatest importance to me. Family, connection to nature and food were my benchmarks for happiness, and along with that time to enjoy the simple things. I had forgotten these. I was wrapped up in more, bigger, faster, better, now.
Drastic times called for drastic measures. I decided to quit. To quit that life. So I did, and it was a big fucking mess. A mess for myself, family, friends, and business partners.
I tore off the band aid and with it came the scab. The wound underneath was raw and ugly. I had to face it.
My path to recreate a new life of purpose and meaning seemed to require that everything from my old life fell away. I stepped into the biggest clearing of my life. 1 year later I found myself single, unemployed, dependent on alcohol and deeply unsure of it all. Lost, disconnected and questioning even more deeply the point of it.
I deeply contemplated taking my life.
Standing in the middle of a four lane highway in Peru, drunk and crying, I thought of ending it in front of the bus that was coming towards me.
I was thinking, is this it?
Is this how this ends?
The low points are also the turning points.
The endings are beginnings.
I needed help.
I was unwilling to move into the modern model of psychotherapy and medication. Numbing my pain was not the answer. I knew I had to feel to heal.
I started to explore other avenues, alternative or traditional healing. I found mentors and guides. This became the beginning of a huge experimentation and exploration into ancient healing arts and modern science. I became a lab rat. Willing, and financed.
Things progressed with energy work, yoga and movement, Chinese medicine and philosophy. I changed my diet. I journalled. I meditated. I read and studied. A lot. Neuroscience, philosophy, anatomy, religion, endocrinology, the nervous system, movement, developmental patterns, nutrition, sleep cycles, fasting, sound healing, smudging, pulse electro magnetic frequency. A lot.
This formed an amazing foundation, and an acceleration in my healing process occurred when I was introduced to Conscious Connected Breathing. This powerful, yet gentle form of breathwork allowed me to release unprocessed emotions from my physical body at a new rate. I was so ready for this deep dive into this powerful modality.
And dive I did. I started to deepen my breath practice, and with great teaching and guidance from my guide and friend, Robin Clements, I was able to clear so much. I was also able to create altered states. As I continued to train and practice I became aware that I could change blood chemistry and my brain state.
I started to get high.
The profound Spiritual and mystical experiences flowed. I merged with the Universe. My sense of self disolved. These experiences continued.
When I dedicated my life to healing myself, I accidentally developed a skill set and knowledge base to help others.
I am an accidental healer.
What came out of a desire to save myself has created a longing to serve others.
Now I work in clinic, hold workshops and teach trainings in deepening our understanding of ourselves.
I love seeing people evolve, awaken and heal.
This is now my joy, my passion, my Dhamra.
It is an honour to be of service.
All my relations.